the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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