pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Everything about him screamed your future.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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