while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
