WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
