A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just forgot I was standing up.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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