I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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