Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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