This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
