how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
