if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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