Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You don't make any sense
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