Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize