I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
