Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
