I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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