im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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