I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yo dont text me then not text me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
