Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Semen is not good for contacts.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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