You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
