Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
