i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
