If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
