Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize