i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
