I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
