So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
