good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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