Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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