Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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