would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
