Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
