Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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