Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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