"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
