i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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