I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
