We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
