Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
As shirtless as possible
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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