hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
True strength comes from lack of pants
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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