Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
