that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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