i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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