He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
