May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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