lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
