I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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