you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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