You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
