I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Green mimosas i think yes
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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