Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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