wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
