I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's rum buckets o'clock
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
