Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
