I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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