Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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