What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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