im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
