Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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