You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
