dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
