u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
