Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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