I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
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It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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