My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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