Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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