There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
