I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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