I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
