Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
