the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
