It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I want is dick and wine.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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