me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
