I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
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apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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