i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
